I find myself at a crossroads. I'm caught between family responsibility and financial stability, and I need an outside perspective. I am 50 years old, married with no kids, and I have been living in the United States for five years. My company is sponsoring my green card, and I currently earn $172,000 per year.
Despite my good salary, my wife and I live paycheck to paycheck because of our savings goals and our expenses. We are happy, but I often wonder if I should be doing something else.
Here's my dilemma: My family owns a business in my home country, and as the only child, I am expected to take it over. If I don't, someone else inside or outside my family will. However, it is not a guaranteed success - the business's future will depend entirely on my work.
I would be leaving behind a stable corporate career, a clear retirement path and the security of the U.S. to pursue an uncertain venture. On the other hand, staying here means potentially losing my only opportunity to carry on the family legacy.
At 50, I don't have unlimited time to take risks, but I also don't want to regret not trying. Am I overthinking this? Should I prioritize financial security, or is it worth taking a risk for something more personal?
The Hesitant Heir
Related: Trump's tariffs unleashed a wave of uncertainty among investors. If you're rattled, here's what you should do next.
Dear Hesitant,
You should at least have a comfortable life, if you are earning $172,000 a year. Assuming you decide to stay in the U.S. - at least for now - you should start working on reducing your debts, perhaps by switching to a less expensive car given the high interest rates. With the average annual household income in the U.S. (roughly $81,000) hovering at around half of what you earn, it's alarming that you and your wife are living paycheck to paycheck, especially if you are sharing the costs and monthly expenses of owning a home with a $323,400 mortgage.
Bravo on your saving. You have another 15 years or more until retirement. For that reason, let this be a wake-up call for your spending. Gambling and shopping have a lot in common. They stimulate dopamine receptors in the brain among gamblers and shoppers, scientific studies have shown. Both casinos and department stores use lighting and music to lure people into spending more time there, and constantly give them positive reinforcements. If your "other loans" are credit cards, pay them off first.
Your family business's bottom line is your horizon. That is what you can expect to earn if you maintain the business's status quo and there are no changes in demand for its products or services in the medium to long term. There is uncertainty every way you look: Seeking a life without uncertainty is searching for a golden goose. You will spend an eternity trying to find it. Focus on what you can control: Your debts, your spending and never make financial decisions based on emotion.
I'm not going to tell you whether to go or stay, but I would say the risks are higher if you choose to go. Given that you are in the U.S. on a green card, you should seriously consider applying for citizenship, if you qualify, so that you can return to the U.S. later if running your family business does not work out. You should also be aware that under the Foreign Investment in Real Property Tax Act, if you are no longer a U.S. resident and you sell your U.S. property, 10% of the gross sale price will be automatically withheld by the Internal Revenue Service.
Your company may have sponsored your green card, but now you can typically live and work in the U.S. permanently, and change jobs. To maintain your green card, you must not remain outside of the U.S. for longer than six months in any 12-month period unless you obtain a re-entry permit. Green-card holders are eligible for U.S. citizenship after living in the U.S. for five continuous years, or three continuous years for those who obtained their green card through marriage.
I'm not going to tell you whether to go or stay, but I would say the risks are higher if you choose to go.
I also have questions: Does your family business make money? If so, how much? And how much would you pay yourself? There's a lot to be said for being your own boss - leaving aside the responsibility you owe your customers - but you should be prepared for a life that is consumed by work 24/7, at least at the beginning. Do you have experience in running a business and a background in that industry, or will you be learning as you go? Remember too that if this business sells products to the U.S., it could potentially face higher tariffs, as signaled by the Trump administration.
The option to return to your home country is an opportunity to re-evaluate your life and your finances, and for you and your wife to ask yourselves whether you are happy living in the U.S. Family legacy is a noble concept, but it's also an amorphous one. Make sure it doesn't represent a pair of golden handcuffs, shackling you to a life that you may no longer want. You have one life to live, and you deserve to live it however you see fit.
You, and you alone, are responsible for your happiness.
Related: 'My wife and I are very grateful': Our son wants to pay off our mortgage before we retire. Will this backfire?
You can email The Moneyist with any financial and ethical questions at [email protected]. Check out the Moneyist private Facebook group, where we look for answers to life's thorniest money issues. Post your questions, tell me what you want to know more about, or weigh in on the latest Moneyist columns.
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-Quentin Fottrell
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