Not a single person has wished me a happy birthday today.
I have a wonderful neighbor named Bruce. Whenever I pass his drive, thoughts occur to me. I was taking a walk break between volunteer gigs at a fair when a friend proposed buying me an ice cream cone. That was an offer I couldn't refuse. According to the weather app on my phone, it was ice cream weather. Don Kardong stated, "Without ice cream, there would be darkness and chaos." The song "I Scream, You Scream, We All Scream for Ice Cream" was written in 1927. The carving of Mount Rushmore began in 1927, yet it didn't include an ice cream cone -- a colossal oversight. I was effusive in my gratitude at becoming the proud owner of a maple nut ice cream cone, which was simply sublime. The abiding rule is that the hotter the day, the more I want an ice cream cone. And the hotter the day, the faster the ice cream melts.
Getting a good education
Once upon a time, in a land not far, far away, I sat at my desk in my grand grade school when nature called. Nature would have put me on speed dial had there been speed dial in those thrilling days of yesteryear.
"Can I go to the bathroom?" precious little me asked meekly.
"May I go to the bathroom?" my excellent elementary school teacher corrected me.
If my wife tells me I look nice, that means I haven't missed a button on my shirt.
Locks turn doors into walls.
I'm not allowed in a casino because I count cards. There are 52.
Conspiracy theorists forget how difficult it is for just two people to keep a secret.
In lighter news, the Zippo lighter has appeared in more than 2,000 movies, stage plays and television shows.
I used to be good at taking things apart and not good at putting them back together again. I was lucky that my father and brother seemed able to fix everything I could dismantle. I've met many mechanics. My father told me never to trust a mechanic with clean fingernails.
Bad jokes department
Just when I thought food couldn't call me on the phone, onion rings.
Wanted: Someone to brush their teeth with me. Because nine out of ten dentists say brushing alone won't help tooth decay. No weirdos, please.
What do you call a Zen master in charge of snacks? A chipmunk.
I asked the Michelin Man how his day went. He said it was tiring.
I bought a thesaurus, but when I got home and opened it, all the pages were blank. I have no words to describe how angry I was.
Nature notes
As I pulled weeds that were identical to the weeds I'd pulled the week before, I was reminded that nature has much more patience than I do.
A cardinal sang a cheerful message, an exultation of an avian voice that could be heard as, "Oh, dear, dear, dear."
A phoebe engaged in persistent tail pumping before snatching a flying insect. Phoebe is a Titaness in Greek mythology.
Lord of the stable flies, I am not. They chew on my ankles as if I were a bag of Purina Stable Fly Chow. Small meadowhawk dragonflies flew like mini-drones. The males are red and the females are yellow.
The "black eye" of black-eyed Susans refers to the dark brown center of the daisy-like flower head. This member of the Asteraceae family can be found growing in almost any sunny location. It's believed that their name originates from a 1729 ballad about a young woman named Susan saying goodbye to her true love. Wild bergamot (bee balm) bloomed in a light-purple profusion. Fleabane provided lovely white flowers.
Far from home, the downtown crows flew in and landed on my borrowed truck. I'd gone into a bookstore to buy a friend's new book. The birds landed and made crow noises. I suspected they were waiting to get a ride home.
Dragonflies travel long distances and congregate (swarm) in areas where there is plentiful flying food, such as winged ants, mosquitoes, etc. Some prefer to hunt near dusk or dawn because they see their prey better when the sun is low on the horizon. Once the prey numbers drop, the dragonflies move on.
Meeting adjourned
"Carry out a random act of kindness, with no expectation of reward, safe in the knowledge that one day someone might do the same for you." -- Princess Dian