Dear Annie: I'm struggling with how to move forward after my adult daughter, "Rachel," cut me off two years ago. We used to be close. I raised her as a single mom after her father left, and we leaned on each other through a lot. Things started to change after she got married. Her husband, though polite, has always kept a distance from me. I tried to respect that, but honestly I felt pushed out. It feels like the beginning of their relationship marked the end of ours.
Our last real conversation ended badly. I had asked if they would consider spending part of the holidays with me instead of always going to his family. Rachel got defensive and said I was making her choose. I said something in the heat of the moment that I regret: I told her she'd understand when she had kids of her own. She hasn't spoken to me since.
I've sent birthday cards, texts and an apology letter, but she never replies. I don't know if I should keep reaching out or give her space. I miss her terribly, but I also don't want to keep reopening the wound. How do I respect her boundaries without giving up hope? -- Left Behind in Louisville
Dear Left Behind: We've all been there -- saying something in the heat of the moment that we come to regret. What matters is how we handle ourselves afterward, and your apology sounds like it was heartfelt and earnest.
Consider writing Rachel a letter explaining how much you miss the closeness you shared when she was younger. Refrain from mentioning her husband or blaming her marriage.
You don't have to choose between silence and smothering. It's OK to reach out every once in a while just to let her know the door is still open.
"How Can I Forgive My Cheating Partner?" is out now! Annie Lane's second anthology -- featuring favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation -- is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to [email protected].