We rely on queer elders for so much wisdom and knowledge. But the greatest lesson they can teach is a simple one.
Life only gets better with age!
Gay men aren't alone in their fear of growing older. The global market for anti-aging products is valued at a whopping $47 billion and is expected to reach $80 billion by the end of the decade. From Botox to skin screams and hair transplants, people of all demographics try to stave off the inevitable.
Related*
Subscribe to our newsletter for a refreshing cocktail (or mocktail) of LGBTQ+ entertainment and pop culture, served up with a side of eye-candy.
It speaks to our body-obsessed culture that most concerns about aging are about physical traits. Given that body image issues pervade the gay community, it isn't surprising that fears about hitting age-related milestones are prevalent in queer circles.
But as one grows older, they realize those superficial worries are for naught. The knowledge we gain is worth every gray hair.
Besides, silver foxes are hot!
This week, we asked Queerty readers to reveal their biggest fears about aging that didn't come true. It won't take long to notice a theme.
Here's what they had to say...
What was your biggest fear about aging that never came true?
Related*
"That I would never grow old. Noticed around 50 that I could no longer bounce. Muscle recovery became prolonged. Joints ached for no apparent reason. Energy was GONE. I lived every day in hard denial that I was growing old. Infirmities began to manifest thanks to a WFH corporate job that kept me welded to a desk and computer for 10 hours a day. Pre-diabetes, hypertension, obesity, LOW TESTOSTERONE... Then I retired just as the whole body went to sh*t. Passing 60, I decided either embrace my old-fartdom or die. I finally got my head and tail in gear and made concerted, sustainable changes to my life. Hell, I even celebrated and got fitted for hearing aides! I feel like I may actually survive and thrive in these next decades of my life." -- Rad in Rhode Island
Rad's answer embodies the phrase, "Acceptance is the price of the freedom." Aging is inevitable, but withering away is not. Here's hoping the next decades of Rad's life are indeed the most fruitful!
"My fear was that I would go 'out of style' and not be relevant, current or well informed." -- Mack in the U.S.
How could you be out of style, Mack?! You read Queerty. š
"Losing my hair." -- Andrew in Australia
We're assuming that Andrew means he hasn't lost his hair? According to the American Hair Loss Association-yes, that's a real organization-85% of men will "significantly experience thinning" by age-50. With that number in mind, Andrew has beaten the odds.
That's why the global hair growth supplement and treatment market is estimated at nearly $8 billion!
Even so, shaving one's head can be a huge statement. Just ask Demi Moore and the late Sinead O'Connor.
"I never thought I was going to be financially stable. In my 20s and early 30s, life was a struggle. But over time I figured out how to save, how to spend, how to invest, how to make it all work. By my 40s, I was actually doing OK. And today, I look back and think about all the time I spent worrying about finances and making rent when I could have/should have just had fun being young and gay. The thing I wish I knew back then is that saving money (or saving anything for that matter) takes time. The older you get, the more time you've had to accumulate wealth, and eventually you look at your bank account and realize, to your 20-year-old self, you're rich!" -- Dale
Dale's message is important to hear, especially as young people struggle with a well-established affordability crisis. Thanks to inflation, wage stagnation and profound lack of housing stock, the economic future for anybody who isn't a boomer seems pretty dire! Perhaps it's best to take Dale's advice and order that burrito taxi and shell out the exorbitant fee for Grindr Xtra. You're only young once!
"Fear of aging has been its own reward. I feared that I would not have enough money, so I saved and lived below my means. I feared that I would not be healthy enough, so I continued to go to the gym and eat healthy. I feared I would not have friends, so I made sure to surround myself with givers and not takers. I feared that I would never have a soul mate and be married, so I learned to love myself and found love. Now, at the end of my 60s, I am living my best life with enough money, health, friends, and soulmate to do what I want and travel the world. You got to start early. But if you haven't started yet, know that today is the youngest you will ever be." -- John in Palm Springs
That's a beautiful sentiment, and a nice addendum to Dale's advice. Think of life milestone as a series of building blocks. You don't reach the climax until you get to the top! It sounds like John is still climbing, and enjoying the view.
"I thought sex would stop at 50. But nope. In fact, it gets better." -- Dave in New York
"That my sex drive would diminish. If anything, it has increased, and so has my versatility!" -- Roger in Palm Springs
The numbers don't lie: the older one gets, the more satisfied they are with their sex lives. While reasons vary, one can assume that maturity is a big part of the equation. There's also the "expert theory." The more one engages in an activity, the more proficient they'll become.
The next 25-year-old who can find his way around back there would be the first!
"That the sex would dry up. I routinely had more sex in a single month in my 50s than I did in my entire 20s. "Now I'm in my 60s, and not slowing yet!" -- Marcus in Oakland, California
OK, Marcus! BRAG...
"When I turned 50, I thought my life and worth and nearly my membership in the larger LGBTQ+ community was over. I'd become invisible, that I'd likely never even SEE 50, and if I wasn't hitched by that time, I might as well plan to die a bachelor." -- Daniel in St. Louis, Missouri
"That I'd grow old alone. I've been with my partner for 17+ years (married 11+), both supported by an incredible group of friends and family." -- Pedro in Puerto Rico
Though the bachelor life works for some, we're glad to hear that Daniel and Pedro have found their partners. Studies show that loving relationships of all stripes help people live longer.
"I was terrified about not being at my mother's side when she got sick and passed away, since I was living in the Netherlands. But I got to spent her last year with me in L.A. I was 55 when she left us." -- Dante in Los Angeles
š«¶š«¶š«¶
"My biggest fear was losing my good looks and physique, and that has yet to happen. In fact, I'm confident in saying that like many men, I have evolved from being a young 'cute' version of me to a middle aged, 'very handsome and fit' version of me." -- Rob in Vancouver
"Losing confidence in myself and my looks. But my sex life and the people that I met begged to differ. I'm having more sex as I get older than when I was a twink, and people always assume I'm younger than my actual age. It's true what they say about gays: we age beautifully!" -- Ronald in Staten Island
"I was scared I would be ignored. People would see me as old and unattractive. I learned it wasn't true. It actually changed more to people seeing me more confident and I was much more direct. I realized how much when I young - we just didn't talk to people. Older, you are more direct, less scared of rejection and people appreciate that. The people who find you attractive range in age, too." -- Michael in Orlando, Florida
"That no one would find me attractive after 40. I'm now in my 50s and having the most fun sex of my life with the hottest guys of my life. I know enough to spot and steer away from icky situations, so it's almost always sensual, sexy, caring, and respectful. Plus, I now feel confident enough to talk to almost anyone." -- Thomas in NYC
Michael and Thomas encapsulate the primary benefit of aging: you stop giving AF! Being nervous to approach others, fretting about one's status. Those superficial concerns are best left to the young! A man full of confidence is the sexiest trait of all.
As Ronald says, we age beautifully... just like Madonna.
Related*
Sign up for the Queerty newsletter to stay on top of the hottest stories in LGBTQ+ entertainment, politics, and culture.